Movie Night

I had two good offers from which to choose. One was clearly better than the other. But neither was a loser.

A bunch of my buddies were planning on attending the high school football game on Friday night. It would be a competitive game, and our school's team was in the running for a birth in the district playoffs.

The alternative was an in-home movie night with my daughter. At her invitation. I'm a big Harry Potter fan, and I've read all the books, some of them twice, and I'd seen all the movies except the sixth installment. With the first installment of the final movie soon to be released,  my daughter suggested she and I watch Potter #6 before we went to see number seven, part one.

My middle daughter is a high school senior and already has selected and been accepted to the college of her choice. She quietly wishes her senior year were almost over because she's ready for the next phase of her life to begin. And although I have a good relationship with her, she's a teenager, and she's a female, so things aren't always as smooth as I'd like for them to be.

I've also been feeling a bit guilty of late as well. I had similar feelings before my first daughter went to college. Like I haven't told them all they need to know before they go off the college. Like I haven't shown them enough, taught them enough.

Needless to say, I chose movie night in with my daughter over Friday night football out with the boys. I'm not saint. I just want to make sure I can capture as many moments with my daughter as I can before she packs up and moves 3.5 hours away for much of the next four years.

Later that evening, I got a text message from one of my buddies, who was at the football game. They were expecting me, and, when I didnt' show up, he wanted to see why. His text was simple. "Thought your were coming. Want to make sure everything is all right."

I texted him back and told him about my other offer. I was feeling a little guilty because we don't get to see our friends as often as we'd like to. But my buddy's return message made me smile.

His reply simply said, "Great decision."

P.S. Tell your daughter you love her.

Plastic Surgery...Really!?

Maybe it's the spirit of the Holiday season and the accompanying spirit of giving that has me thinking about this topic. I can't get my brain to release the news articles that are telling me that one of the more popular gifts that parents (most likely mothers) are giving their teenage daughters as a graduation present is plastic surgery. No more senior week at the beach. No trip abroad. Nope, in addition to the sheepskin she received from the high school, she's also getting to alter her own courtesy of parental stupidity.

I know, I know, how do I make the leap from Christmas to graduation gifts. It must be the whole gift-giving continuum.

Anyway, according to news reports and statistics from national plastic surgeon associations, approximately 250,000 teenage girls (13-19 years old) had some form of a nip or tuck last year, courtesy of mom and dad (guessing most likely mom). Most, but not all of these procedures, 99.9% were elective surgery, meaning they were NOT medically necessary.

Nose jobs and boob jobs and booty lifts were some of the more popular  procedures performed on teenage girls. What!?!?

Listen, I'll say this a thousand times...I am not a perfect parent. Never will be. But I can't fathom the lunacy of a parent who would encourage and foot the bill for his/her teenage daughter to have plastic surgery.

Medial doctors who aren't looking for the fast payoff will detail the dangers of young people undergoing such invasive procedures. There's been a number of deaths, in the states and abroad, because of this lunacy.

Doctors will also admit that there can be long-term effects as well, such as difficulty with breast feeding after giving birth.

Despite the medical risks, however, I'm actually more concerned with the negative message that is sent to daughters by parents who endorse and financially support these plastic procedures.

Whatever happened to explaining to our daughters (and sons) that their true worth and who they are comes from their soul? Whatever happened to teaching our kids that you don't judge a book by its cover? Whatever happened to explaining to our kids that their physical appearance does not determine their intelligence, their compassion, their charity, their capacity to be a great friend and have great friends?

I get it that it's important for kids, teenagers, how they look and how they fit in with their peers. I understand it. But, I still feel like fathers (and mothers) are shirking a very basic teaching point that we should teach our daughters at a young age.

I also, intellectually, understand the undo influence that pop culture holds over our daughters. If they erroneously believe that Kim Kardashian or Heidi Montag are "all that," then you can understand wanting to look like that. If we explain that those women have the IQ of a fire hydrant and the personality of a garden slug in search of its next meal, maybe, we could chip away at that aura.

I'd also admit that fathers have some guilt in this charade. Dads need to value their wives and daughters for who they are, not for what they look like (although both wives and daughters appreciate positive comments about their appearance). Dads, we need to explain and enforce it. Throw away the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue before even looking at it. Don't make suggestive comments about the Oakland Raiders cheerleaders. And wash your brains clean of the Miller Lite commercial featuring the two glamazons arguing whether it's less filling or tastes great before falling into a nearby water fountain.

Our daughters need to know that self-esteem doesn't come in a silicon implant. And fixing your lips, boobs, nose or butt won't fix the person inside.

P.S. Tell your daughter you love her