Gorillas in our Midst

Having worked in higher education for the better part of 19 years, I know that research can be manipulated to show whatever it is that the scientist set out to demonstrate in the first place.

So when I came across this article by Carmen Chai in Postmedia News, my first thought was 'who in the heck would pay for that research study?' My second thought was how ludicrous it is and my third thought was, 'I've got to share this with my Dads.'

According to this study done by a team of researchers at the University of Miami, it was determined that females between the ages of 18-22 avoid talking on the phone to their fathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, et al about half as much during high fertility days as they would on normal days. Huh?

Now, the fact that it took a 'team' of researchers to review the cell phone records of 48 women might explain why most student-athletes coming out of 'The U' can't spell 'cat' if you spot them the 'C' and the 'T.' But I digress. It might also explain why I feel the way I do about alleged scientific research.

Another curiosity for me is how the researchers can determine from studying cell phone records when these 48 women were ovulating each month. I was not aware that cell phone records had that much detail. Again sorry for sidetracking, and apologies for using the 'o' word in the first sentence of this paragraph. Gives me the willies, too.

So, again, these researchers claim that our daughters will only talk to us on their cell phones half as long on certain days each month. The research team also states that this jives with other animal species where the females avoid the males during high fertility periods in order to avoid inbreeding. Okay.

The final nugget of astounding information from this study is that the scientists also suggest that women in the high fertility period (no pun intended) also avoid their fathers, brothers, grandfathers, uncles, et al because we are examining their boyfriends and fiances and possibly scaring off the men they might want to share their high fertility with.

Duh!!! Like they needed to study cell phone records to determine that my primary goal in life every time a male comes to the door for my daughter is to scare the living daylights out of him. Really? I didn't know that. What good father doesn't try to bring potential suitors to tears, send him fleeing back to his crappy used car, or better yet, have him drive off before you daughter even comes down the stairs to meet him?

So the good news is that the University of Miami spent a bunch of money for a team of researchers to study cell phone records of 48 women to inform us that there are certain days each month when our daughters might not talk to us very long on our cell phones.

The bad news is they can't tell us which days each month this is going to occur.