Having played competitive sports since I was seven-years old through college football, I've heard all the coaching cliches, good and bad. I use some of the ones I like a lot. I've also respected my elders over the years and have listened and catalogued some of their wisdom as well. I have a pretty good quiver of one-liners, motivational quotes and sage advice. Unfortunately, I don't know that any of that can help me right now.
Maybe you, my faithful readers, have an idea.
After several visits with orthopedic doctors since Monday, we learned yesterday that my middle daughter tore the ACL in her right knee. Shredded it is more like it. The doctor described her ligament as "mop ends." Only thing the doc can do is reconstruct it using two of her hamstring tendons to replace the ligament that's not there.
She was fortunate to be able to participate in the county all-star basketball game for seniors on Sunday night. After having a nice all-around game, complete with some points, some rebounds, some assists, two blocked shots and two steals, she was bringing the ball up court with 18 seconds left in the game...actually left in her high school career, and her right knee went in a direction it shouldn't have.
She won't be able to dance at her senior prom, and marching in procession and walking across the stage to get her diploma will probably come with the assistance of crutches.
Her senior year of high school started on a downer because she discovered late last summer that her boyfriend was cheating on her. She cut him loose, and I was proud of her for that. Then she had a falling out with one of her best friends since kindergarten over some Homecoming stuff that grownups, most likely, could've worked out in an hour. But it lingered for many months. Then her senior year of basketball wasn't what she had worked so hard for it to be, but she kept up a good attitude and remained a good teammate and made the most of the time she got (did I already say it was less than what she deserved?). Now we've got the torn ACL.
I believe, in my heart, that one of the reasons she's going to college almost four hours away next fall is that she feels like she needs a clean break from her hometown and from her friends of so many years. I respect and understand that. I think she aspires to do great things in the field she has chosen to pursue, but I wish she could do it closer to home. Although I view myself as her parent and not her friend, to me, she is my buddy.
I'm not whining or complaining. If my wife and I knew 20 years ago that the three girls we are blessed with were our picks in the draft of life, we would've been ecstatic. And still are. We're not perfect, we have our flaws, but I'll gladly take my trio (and my wife).
But I feel like I should purchase for my daughter the book, "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People."
I want to tell her that she will grow and be a better person for all of these experiences her life has granted her this year, good and bad. I want to tell her that she's a participant in life, she's not sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else, and when you participate, sometimes you get hurt - either physically or emotionally. I want to tell her that her friendship will be restored once she and her friend are apart for the first semester of college and realize what they had. I want to tell her that her knee will be better than ever (once her 6 months of rehab is done), and I want to tell her that someday she will find a man who cherishes her for who she is (of course, if he doesn't pass MY standards, all bets are off).
So even though I'd like to tell her some of these things, she doesn't want to hear them. Despite the fact that this daughter is the one with whom I have the most communicative relationship, she doesn't like it when I (as she puts it) try to give her advice. So much for respecting her elders. Of course, if my neighbor told her these things, he'd be a genius!
So I see a short time window before my buddy goes off to college, and there's a lot I want to tell her before that. Just not sure how.
Your thoughts are welcome.
P.S. Don't forget to tell your daughter that you love her.
Here's a Thought: why not write her a personalized "short story" about your buddy relationship. Begin with letting her know how much you do love her and that together, mom and the girls are the brightest stars in your life. Next, interweave a few statements of fatherly advice between some good-time memories. Let her also know that college means the family will miss her, but it's time to step out of the nest. Then, end the story with a plea that she will call you when something gets her down. You're the one man in her life who won't disappoint, whether she agrees or disagrees - you'll be there for her! Big hugs. Which reminds me, it's time for me to remind my daughter the same thing. Good luck & only pull out the "Louisville slugger" when it's needed. Mine's collecting dust now.
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