How Young is Too Young?

I spent all day Saturday surrounded by teenage girls, and, consequently, some of their fathers. Basketball consumes my family's time from November until June, because once the high school season is complete in February or March, the AAU season begins and runs until early summer. Was at a tournament at McDaniel College in Westminister, Maryland for an all-day tournament, with our last game not concluding until about 6:30 in the evening.

Now when I say I was surrounded by teenage girls, I don't just mean our girl's team of ten. I'm talking about about approximately 40 teams (maybe more) of girls and you can do the math. Hundreds of teenage girls. Which means that I heard a lot of things that made me want to say, "Beam Me Up Scottie." Now, please.

Of course there are some times during the day when you're not surrounded by teenage girls, and then Dads (sometimes Moms) get to hang out and discuss important stuff, like all the yard work you're not getting done, or how many fishing poles do you need on opening day of trout season? Or how many beers it will take, once you get home, to erase the memory of all you've seen and heard being around hundreds of teenage girls for approximately 10 hours.

One topic of discussion this Saturday was, how young is too young for a girl to have a steady boyfriend? My first answer (with my daughters in mind, of course) was 30 years old. A good question, though.

My wife and I have had a family rule that there will be no steady boyfriends until senior high, and even then, possibly not until 10th or 11th grade. The later the better. Our two oldest didn't have too many problems with that rule, and they both had a lot of group activities through their high school years where groups of 10-15 kids, male and female, might go the movies, go out to dinner or go play Laser tag. All acceptable on my Dad-meter. Fortunately, both girls are really, really smart and also pretty tuned-in people-persons. So they've both felt, through most of high school, that high school boys, in general, and the teenage boys at their school, in particular, are just plain stupid. Music to my ears!

Last year, the day after we dropped our oldest off for her first semester of college, the phone rang and she started telling her Mom about a boy in the next hallway who'd already lost his college ID and room key in the first day. Then she said, even college boys are stupid! Which made me almost want to open champagne on a Saturday morning. My 30-years old threshold was looking better and better.

Let's be clear on this. NOTHING good can come of a girl having a steady boyfriend before an appropriate age. In our house, that age is about 16 or 17 depending upon what we know about the boy and his family, and our judgement of our daughter's maturity for such a relationship.  That's our house, and you have to do what you think is best in your house. But the other key is that MOM has to be on board with this. If Dad imposes this rule (or any rule, really) without Mom's signing off on it, the rule is doomed for failure.

Research studies (yes, these are ones that support my position) indicate that the younger a girl starts to have a steady relationship with a boy, the sooner she is likely to have a sexual relationship, either with that boy or the next one. Other research indicates that 33% of teenage girls who have boyfriends are sexually abused, 1 in 16 have been raped, and 25% are subjected to physical violence such as being slapped, punched or beaten. Of course, the easy retort by a parent is either, "that won't happen to my daughter," or "Billy is a nice boy, he would never do that." Bullcrap!

Not to mention the negative impact that STDs and/or an unwanted pregnancy could have on our daughters. I even found, in a Google search, two books: "Sex Tips for Girls" and "Advanced Sex Tips for Girls." Both books written by the same author who happens to be female. Go figure. I guess people will do anything to make a buck.

Now, the women's libbers will most definitely object to my 'rules' and that's okay. That certainly is their constitutional right. However, if you try to implement a dating rule in your house, and you're met with some resistance, just refer back to my post on February 17, 'The Top Ten Lines to Scare your Daughter's Boyfriend. http://fathersagainstdaughtersdating.blogspot.com/2011/02/top-ten-lines-to-scare-your-daughters.html

P.S. Don't forget to tell your daughter that you love her.